The Man With The Tiger Is King
by originalwolfgirl
Summary: This is the story of how Jim filmed the Sir-Boast-A-Lot story with the help of his favorite sniper, Sebastian, who makes inappropriate innuendos and is probably the worst helper in the world.


"Hello"

"Seriously, that's your opening line?"

"Sebastian, shut up" Jim threw a glare at his partner and straightened his posture. Sebastian chuckled and pressed pause on the video recorder he held in the palm of his right hand. Jim was sitting on a stool in the middle of his expansive living room and Sebastian was holding the camera, as instructed. Although Sebastian knew that the whole reason for this odd demand was something of a more sinister nature, he couldn't help but laugh at Jim as he attempted to put on the façade of the "storyteller".

Sebastian pressed play on the recorder and pointed it at Jim to prompt the rest of his incredulous story.

"Are you ready for the story?"  
Sebastian bit his bottom lip to keep from commenting.

"This is the story of Sir-Boast-A-Lot"  
"Is that your middle name?"

Jim groaned and Sebastian could see his face start to turn slightly red from restraining himself from wringing Sebastian's neck. Jim couldn't throw Sebastian out because he needed him to film the video but his favorite sniper really loved getting under his skin.

"Sebastian…" Jim said threateningly.

Sebastian just gave him a tauntingly huge grin and pointed to the flashing red light to indicate they were still filming. Jim cleared his throat and slipped back into the role.

"Sir-Boast-A-Lot was the bravest and cleverest knight of the round table. But soon the other knights began to grow tired of all his stories about how brave he wa-FOR THE LOVE OF GOD SEBASTIAN."

Sebastian was laughing so hard he snorted and doubled over, grabbing his midsection, the camera completely forgotten and dangling in his right hand. He was perfectly fine until Jim starting nodding his head for emphasis with the narration of the story and his eyes lit up with childish glee. Normally, Jim was the snarky boss who made demanding orders and organized terrorist infiltrations.

Seeing Jim talk like a primary school teacher was the funniest thing Sebastian had seen since he watched Jim try to cook Christmas dinner. That had ended with him lighting a match and sticking it up the turkey in attempts to cook it from the inside. Needless to say, the turkey caught fire, the smoke alarm went off, and since Jim couldn't find the off switch, Sebastian had ended up shooting it off the ceiling.

Sebastian wiped a tear from his eye, sat up, and tried to regain his composure. He kept his hand holding the camera perfectly still although his shoulders were still shaking with restrained laughter. Jim threw a warning glance at him before he continued.

"-how brave he was and how many dragons he'd slain. And soon they began to wonder… Are Sir-Boast-A-Lot's stories even true?"  
"Probably not if he as full of shit as you are"

"Sebastian, I swear to god. As soon as this is finished I'm going to nail you on the wall like a Monet"  
"That's a euphemism I've never heard before but okay"

Jim picked up the plastic water bottle he kept beside his stool and hurled it at Sebastian's head.  
Sebastian caught it, of course, and retorted, "You should have kept it. You're going to need to hydrate for later."

Jim looked positively murderous.

Sebastian smirked and held up the camera again. Jim remained glaring at Sebastian for another minute before swallowing and arranging his face into a more benign countenance.  
"Oh no… So one of the knights went to King Arthur and said 'I don't believe Sir-Boast-A-Lot's stories. He's just a big ole' liar who makes things up to make himself look good. And then… even the king began to wonder"

"And I assume you're the king of course"  
"Actually, no, Sebastian"  
"Oh that's right. I forgot. You're the queen"

Jim's jawed flexed and the corner of Sebastian's lip twitched as he tried to conceal the pure devilish amusement his eyes portrayed.  
"Come on, your majesty. You're subjects await" Sebastian kept the camera steady as Jim made dramatic movements and facial expressions to add to the theatricality of the story.

"But that wasn't the end of Sir-Boast-A-Lot's problem. No. That wasn't the final problem."

Jim's expression grew darker and Sebastian's smile slowly melted away as he felt chills on his arms. He knew vague details about Jim's little game with Sherlock but he didn't know what the outcome would be, not yet.

"The End" Jim concluded in a mocking high pitched voice.  
Sebastian groaned, "Finally."

Jim closed the prop book he was holding in his hands and placed it on the stool as he got up. Then, with rapid and determined strides, he closed the gap between him and Sebastian. Snatching the camera out of his hands, he scrolled through the footage that was stored in it.

"This is going to need a lot of editing" Jim remarked.  
"We can add in some fake glitches and sound effects" Sebastian proposed.

Jim nodded in agreement and tossed the camera onto his couch. He turned and stared at Sebastian who was looking at him expectantly.

"Well?"  
"Well what?" Jim replied.

"The Queen never breaks her promises."  
Jim growled and snatched Sebastian up from his seat by the front of his t-shirt and pushed him into the nearest wall.

"In this house, I _am_ the king" he growled.

"And what does that make me?" Sebastian asked, his voice deeper and his eyes on Jim's lips which were so close he could feel his breath against his open mouth.

"My tiger" Jim replied and roughly captured Sebastian's lips with his own.

Making Jim angry was a dangerous game but it was one that Sebastian was always willing to play.


End file.
